Why you cannot stalk riza
by maidwithknives1
Summary: my first fanfic! i know, title sucks.  Colonel mustang is told by Havoc that Riza might be dating other men, to see if this is true, why not send Fuery to go stalk her? read to find out if Fuery is harmed at the end or not!  rated T for some language
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fanfic! my name is mai, or you can call me by my pen name, i dont care. i allow any critism on my story,

cause i have lots of things i need to improve in my skills so please point out any flaws!

**_Disclaimer~i dont own fullmetal alchemist._**

The warm air filtered through the window as it brang the scent of leaves. It was a hot September, and many military personnel were using paper to fan themselves.

One colonel, in fact, was slacking off and staring into space why fidgeting with his pen.

The other four were also slacking, havoc smoking his cigarette, breda eating his sandwich, falman was reading a magazine that was probably unpopular and full of words no one knows , and fuery was playing with black hayate.

"Lt. Havoc! Give me an estimate of when Hawkeye will be back from getting more paperwork!'' colonel mustang said.

"About seven minute's sir, we have some more time to rest from paperwork…'' havoc answered. He narrowed his eyes at mustang.

"Why are you looking at me like that havoc?''

"Well, I was stood up again last night sir!''

"Oh, mad because I got your girlfriend again? What can I say, im a magnet!

"You know, how would it feel having your girlfriend stolen?"

"I'd never know" mustang smirked when he said this.

"Belei9ve it or not mustang, there's probably already a man that's stealing your beloved lieutenant Hawkeye~'' havoc teased.

''She is no-!'' mustang thought for a moment then took a horrified gasp.

''YOUR RIGHT! ''

"I bet she has a date tonight'' havoc chuckled enjoying mustang's expression.

'' Okay, fuery!'' mustang ordered. Fuery stood up with an amused expression.

"Today after work I want you to stalk Hawkeye around till she goes home!''

'' WHA-WHAT?'' fuery shook in his boots; riza would probably see him then fly bullets into his shoulders…

''that is an order by your colonel!''

"What's an order?'' Hawkeye walked in, glaring at everyone who was slacking.

Quickly she shot bullet holes in falman's magazine, shot a sandwich out of Breda's hand, and let fuery sprint to his seat.

''oh Hawkeye! Why don't you take the rest of the day off! You get your paperwork done-''

''actually I just retrieved some more for me to take care of-''

"Falman will do it! And we'll finish ours" he smiled as honestly as he could to fend off riza's glare. Falman also started glaring at mustang.

''oh fine, but it **better **be done when I come in tomorrow morning'' she packed up her stuff and left with black hayate .

"biingo~'' the colonel smirked. ''Okay fuery go stalk Hawkeye! Tell me f any men try to approach my property!'' he sang in happiness while skipping back to his desk.

"Yes sir…'' fuery went and started walking around the corner to catch up to Hawkeye.

So far, Hawkeye had went into a convenience store, Fuery walked ten steps behind her while she went down the isles.

Hawkeye meanwhile had the perfect plan. Whatever reason fuery was following her,

She wanted him to be killed in boredom. She smirked to herself and found the juice section. "Oh! Why look, the orange juice is on sale!''

Fuery hid behind some cereal boxes sighing.

"hmm, I like this orange juice, but black hayate likes no pulp…Guess I should stand here for at least twenty minutes and decide on what to buy!'' she said happily.

Fuery groaned in boredom, he really couldn't wait till the day he could order people around.

~20 minutes later~

"She….she…is still looking at orange juice….'' Fuery was lying on the floor in tears of boredom.

''oh you know what, this is fifteen percent cheaper than that one, I think i'll get it~''

She said picking up a cart on to go to the register.

The cashier quickly scanned it and put it in a bag while saying the price.

"One sec let me look for my change!'' she took out her wallet and slowly skimmed it for change.

''she….is taking…forever to get ten cents out of her pocket….'' Fuery mumbled

~seven minutes later~

''here you go!'' she took out ten cents and left with an annoyed fuery following after.

"You know, I haven't bought clothing for my self in awhile!'' she went into a clothing store and went into the scarf section.

''oh, what a nice scarf…'' she said to herself.

"Maybe should buy these jeans. What do you think fuery?''

''what? Oh they would look cute on you-OHMYGAWDSHESAWME- ''

Hawkeye fired many rounds around his head.

''th-then she gave this mean glare to me and-!" fuery said bawling.

That night havoc had to comfort the poor man.


	2. Chapter 2

"Well Fuery, you tried your best. I guess it's up to me and havoc now.'' Colonel mustang paced in front of his desk in an angry storm of thought. "Sir, im sorry to say this but it's kind of impossible to stalk her, she has the hawk's eye!'' havoc said as he shivered at the thought of having bullets flown into his shoulder, and ending up like Fuery.

"LIUETENANT HAVOC!'' Roy's voice boomed in seriousness.

"y-yes sir!''

''Do you understand what were going up against? There might be men that are going to try to get my lieutenant!-''

''your lieutenant huh?'' havoc snickered.

"Shut up havoc, you know very well how important this mission is!''

"How important what is?'' Hawkeye said walking in with paperwork; she sent her famous 'ice-queen' glare at everybody slacking off.

She divided the papers equally among the four, including the colonel, and gave herself the majority of it. The day moved on a bit slow, everyone couldn't slack off since Hawkeye kept a persistent eye on all of them, especially the colonel, who kept staring out the window, or trying to set his paperwork on fire, or trying to feed the papers to Hayate, who had bin snuggling up by his feet the whole time.

"Colonel, there's a meeting we have to attend to, let's go'' she stood up and waited for Roy to follow her out the door. "aaw! But the higher-ups are going to talk about boring stuff that I could care less about, and then ask me about my opinion on something I wasn't paying attention too!'' he whined while Hawkeye dragged him out by his left ear.

Havoc smirked when there footsteps weren't able to be heard anymore. He got out his bottle of super glue and started spreading it on the colonel's chair.

"Um, havoc, what are you doing?'' Falman looked up from his magazine about stuff that only people with no lives care about.

"I don't have to help stalk Hawkeye with the colonel if the colonel can't get up!'' he laughed and went back to his seat with his cigarette dangling from his mouth.

The colonel walked backing with a tired expression, and with Hawkeye following behind him, with her head in her hands.

"I can't believe you said that out loud colonel'' was all hawkeye said about their trip to the meeting with the higher-ups.

"Well, you have to admit that was pretty funny though'' the colonel said making a point.

Hawkeye could only shake her head with the faint of a smile as she bit her lip to stop from laughing.

The colonel watched as she got back to work with a smirk knowing that he made her smile at least once today.

"Colonel, I'll shoot off your private parts if you don't get back to work!'' hawkeye said while pointing to his paperwork.

"Y-yes lieutenant!'' the colonel immediately went back to his work.

'Well there goes a romantic moment' the colonel said noting his fail.

The colonel stretched as Breda, Fuery, and Falman left. Havoc, however, seemed to stay for some unknown reason. Hawkeye finished the last of her paperwork, and some of the colonel's as she put on her coat getting ready to leave.

"Is your entire work done colonel?''

"Yep! Seeeee!'' he waved his **actually** signed paperwork in the air proudly to hawkeye.

Hawkeye smiled and said 'good-bye' to havoc and mustang.

"You didn't get all your work done did you?''

"Of coarse not, now let's go!'' he stood up, but then immediately collapsed down with the office chair.

'' WHAT THE FREAKIN HELL?'' he said as he noticed he was stuck to his chair.

"Something wrong colonel?'' havoc said with muffled laughter.

"Yes! There is something wrong! Im stuck to my chair!'' he yelped as he tried to stand up then fell down again.

Mustang reached his old fashioned phone on his desk and dialed Hawkeye's number.

Havoc, meanwhile, was just enjoying the show.

"Hello? Hawkeye?''

"Is there something wrong colonel?'' hawkeye said on the other line.

"Yes! You see, Im currently stuck to my chair!''

"…" mustang heard a cough on the other line.

"Im serious, Im stuck to the f****** chair.'' He said in a dead serious tone.

Mustang heard hawkeye burst out laughing.

"b-be right there colonel mustang,'' she kept on laughing and hung up.

When riza walked into the office, she couldn't help but laughing at the colonel who was failing in trying to set the chair upright.

'' I thought you were joking…'' she muttered to herself.

She glanced over at havoc who had bin laughing at Roy the whole time.

"Well lieutenant, how can I get out of this chair?'' he said expecting riza to answer.

"…"

"Hawkeye?''

"…"

"Hawkeye?"

"sir, I can watch your back, make sure you don't fall into a deep depression about ishbal, and make sure that you don't get shot but I have no idea how to get you unglued from a office chair.''

"…meaning?''

"I don't know"

The colonel gasped. Those three words were something that he'd thought she would never say- (well besides I love you but you get the point), but then it hit him.

"I'll set this chair on fire, thus making the glue melt!''

Riza face palmed and sighed.

"You'll hurt yourself!''

"nu-uh!''

"Sir, that is highly dangerous, and that would also result in the fire spreading to other things, **like your UNFINISHED paperwork**''

"Buuuuut haaawkeyeeee! ~"

"No."

Mustang then activated his 'please please please riza!' face and stared directly at riza.

Riza's lips quirked.

"Look, fine, but don't hurt yourself.''

Mustang slipped on his gloves and set the chair on fire, then quickly jumped off it as the glue melted.

"See hawkeye? I didn't burn myself...OHSHII-''

He looked at his desk which was now on fire; the only bonus was it was bringing the paperwork down with it.

"SIR! Fullmetal's report was on there! '' she quickly took off her jacket and started hitting the fire while havoc brang a bucket of water and emptied onto the desk.

"Hey, atleast were safe he he…"

Hawkeye glared at him.

"Colonel Mustang, please excuse me for being rude but, did you happen to send Fuery to stalk me last night?'' At this point havoc sprinted out of the office since the aura of the room was scaring him.

"Y-yes..."

"You have some explaining to do" She said with her eye twitching in annoyance.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, this is the final chapter! I didn't think this story could drag on anymore than it already has, in fact I almost just let there be one chapter XD I would like to thank everyone who had reviewed, your reviews are greatly appreciated, and they quite frankly make my day! **Disclaimer: if I owned fullmetal alchemist, the lastepisode of FMA would be quite different for roy and riza :3**

"You have some explaining to do" she said with her eye twitching in annoyance.

"W-well…" the colonel's voice quirked in an uneasy fashion. Riza stared him right down, and was blocking the door.

"Fuery wouldn't stalk me for any reason, so Im expecting you to know. You ordered him didn't you?''

"Well, yes. But that was only to make sure your safe on your trip to the grocery store!''

"I doubt I would be assaulted why shopping for orange juice.''

"You never know, you know that orange juice commercial where that guys sticks out his hand from the juice shelf and hands that lady the orange juice? That same guy could pull you in and-''

"Don't even finish that sentence. Plus, that was a commercial. Now I want the real reason." She crossed her arms and looked expectantly.

"Well havoc informed me that you're seeing somebody else right now..."

"And you **listened **to that heavy chain smoker?'' hawkeye face palmed , havoc must have bin trying to mess with the colonel's head again.

"Yes!"

"Colonel, it's hard for me to go on a date with someone if I already love somebody else.'' She stated simply why sighing.

"Oh, okay then. Then that clears my problems!' he grinned, but then frowned,

"Wait, who do you like?"

"Im not telling." She said bluntly. He only smirked when another fantastic idea hit him.

"Well would that person mind if I took you out on a date?" He said smiling at her.

"Probably not. '' she smiled as he led her out the office and put his arm around her shoulder pulling her them, were four eyes watching them.

"I so told you they were going to go on a date!'' Falman said laughing as he collected his reward money from the other three. They had placed a bet on what would happen.

"Yeah, yeah, at least-''

"Lieutenant Havoc, Fuery, Falman, and Breda!'' Riza said as Breda immediately looked up from them sandwich he was devouring. "If you are following us, then I highly suggest you run now for ill give you a ten second head start!'' she said with a happily sighing colonel behind her.

"Geez, you put them in line better than I do'' He said as he watched the four scurry away like mice."It's just my job" she said as they started walking away to a restraunt.


End file.
